I used to
keep a notebook of names that I wanted to give all 20 of my kids one day.
No joke.
The first time I remember writing down names was when I was about 9, and I
remember revisiting that list even in college. I'm not even sure where all of the names came from. I think some were from movies, others from books, some were
Biblical, and a few were from people I met – all were names that I just enjoyed hearing. Although some of the names
on the list changed over time, there were always a few that were my favorite
go-to names I just knew I would be naming my children one day.
Little did I know the journey that God would take us on. I had no idea that naming my children would become one of the most special things I would ever do, and that those names would look nothing like the ones from my list.
Little did I know the journey that God would take us on. I had no idea that naming my children would become one of the most special things I would ever do, and that those names would look nothing like the ones from my list.
At the beginning of February, we
lost our first child at 6 weeks. I had a desire to pick a name as a way to remember and to make that child seem more "real", but I had no idea how we would pick a name since we didn’t
even know if it was a boy or a girl. I was in a place of such deep grief that I
didn’t want to taint the memory of our child by labeling him or her with a meaningless
name from a silly list I made years prior. The loss of our first child showed
me the pettiness of my list, and I told Seth that I wanted all of our children
to have meaningful names – I just didn’t know what that looked like yet.
Well the all-loving God who created our
precious child already had a name picked out. The day after we lost our child,
I was reading Genesis 32 as part of my devotions. This is the chapter where Jacob wrestled with
God, and God graciously allowed him to live, but not without a permanent
reminder of who He is. Jacob named that
place Penuel, which means “Face of God”, because He had seen the face of God
there. We are absolutely confident that
our precious Penuel has seen the face of God, and we cried out to Him that we
would also see His face in the midst of our heartache.
Then at the end of April, when our
second child stopped growing around 10 weeks, God again pointed us towards a name. The season we were in seemed hopeless, full of
grief and despair. All of my dreams of
having children, and the dreams I had for my children, seemed like they may
never be fulfilled. The word Seth and I
clung to was HOPE. When it felt like
there was none, we caught glimmers of hope from God. Not a certainty that our house would one day
be filled with children, but an assurance that He would use our story for His
glory. We had an assurance that He would
not leave us, no matter the pain we endured.
We named our baby Jahleel, because it means to “HOPE in God”, or to “wait
for God” – both of which were very appropriate for the heartache we were
walking through. Without God, there would
have been no hope during those early days of mourning Penuel and Jahleel.
Fast-forward
to the beginning of November…We were 18 weeks into our 3rd pregnancy, and just
a few days away from finding out whether God was giving us a boy or a
girl! I had tried not to think about
which one I thought it might be, because I just wanted it to be a surprise
without getting my hopes up either way.
But in the days leading up to the appointment, God kept bringing the name Samuel to my mind…And on November 6th, we
found out it was a BOY! But we also
found out that day that there were some concerns with our sweet boy’s growth.
His long bones were all measuring short, and we were being sent to see a
specialist. The news was heavy that day,
but we really didn’t have much information.
We wouldn’t know if it was anything serious until our follow-up with the
specialist.
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Seth and I standing in the valley of Elah |
Samuel
means “asked of God”. We asked God to
fulfill the longing of our hearts for a child, and He granted our petition!
"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him."
~1 Samuel 1:27
"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him."
~1 Samuel 1:27
David
means “beloved”. Samuel David is our
beloved son, and a beloved gift from God.
Not only
did God again provide us with the name that He had picked for our child, but He
also did it in His perfect timing. I
never thought that I would be one to name a baby months before they were
actually in my arms, but how special it is to have a name for our little
son! We are able to pray for him by
name! And we are able to pass that name
on to others so that they can do the same.
Thank you
to those of you who are praying for our little Samuel David 💙
This is
His story, and it is all for His glory!
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